During the times of the Soviet Union, many Lithuanians fled to the U.S. Some have also migrated more recently. According to Wikipedia, there are currently 681,000 Lithuanians living in the U.S., making it the largest Lithuanian population living outside of the homeland.
Since I was in high school, I have been quite curious about Lithuanian community in the U.S. and used to wonder how they lived there. As the saying goes, be careful what you wish for, as it may become true. A couple of months ago, I permanently moved to the U.S. and got married here. My husband is Lithuanian, but he’s been living in the U.S. for about 15 years now and already has an American citizenship. Interestingly, most of his friends are Lithuanians, too, and he frequently attends Lithuanian festivals and gatherings.
Every year, near San Francisco, a Baltic picnic is organized, where Lithuanians, Latvians and Estonians get together, participate in various sports competitions and share national dishes. This year, the picnic was organized for the ninth time - that’s the one I also had an opportunity to visit.
Every person has their own story to tell. One girl helping to organize the event told me that one of her parents is Estonian and the other one is American. She remembers hearing about the independence of Estonia and other Baltic states, the anticipation of people beforehand and going to Estonian festivals with her mother. Although she was born in the U.S., she feels that Estonian heritage is part of her identity.
Another couple came to the U.S. a few years ago, but when their kids reached the school age, they decided to go back. According to them, the American education system is too far away from Lithuanian mentality. Lithuanians are used to rather strict and straightforward feedbacks, while here no matter how bad you do the teacher says “Well done!” They think that later on, when these kids finish school, they will realize that they have been praised a lot, but learned very little.
I guess my own experience is a bit different. When I arrived to the U.S., I soon noticed that local people were very friendly. They say “hello”, when they pass on the street, and don’t hold themselves back from making a complement if they like something about you, e.g. your hear, eyes, dress, sandals or English language skills. I still don’t have a job or a driving license, so I don’t go out that often, but I do hear that on a frequent basis.
Some Lithuanians would probably say that they are being too nice and just pretending, but I feel that they were doing that with pure sincerity, without any hidden agendas. I think there are people, who find it difficult to believe that someone can be nice, friendly and gentle without any particular reason. They feel somehow safer being surrounded by those, who are bitter, jealous and full of mistrust. They think that by showing off and putting others down they can prove that they are better, but I think it only shows that they have unresolved internal insecurities and that they find it hard to make a genuine connection with others. Unless they are drunk, of course.
When many years ago, I talked to my uncle about going to the U.S., the first advice he gave me was to avoid other Lithuanians - for the sake of my own peace. When I lived in the UK, I mainly communicated with people from other countries, but, when one day, I decided to check a local forum of Lithuanians on the Internet, I got quite a similar impression. The members of the forum were constantly getting into endless arguments about things they knew almost nothing about, were pretending they did and were hurting all others, who showed even the smallest sign of disagreement. It was a really interesting phenomenon, not, however, the one, which I had the guts to observe for too long.
When I came to the U.S., my husband introduced me to his former wife’s best friend. Guess what advice she gave me. She told me that while her friend was still alive (she died from cancer), there were two things that were breaking her heart. The first one was her inability to have children and the second one was constant gossip and hurtful comments being made by other Lithuanians.
I don’t want to draw any conclusions, but I think there’s a room for self-reflection about ourselves as a nation. I think you can be a Lithuanian, an Indian, or a Nigerian – the race and colour doesn’t really matter, we are all souls and all equal against God. What matters most, however, is not to lose our humanity, the purity of our hearts and respect for others, no matter how different they are. Such is my wish to all of us – let’s strengthen what’s the best in us and keep our minds open, so that we can learn from other cultures, too!